Here I go again -
I am pretty sure I promised I wouldn't put you all through my training for the next marathon....well I lied, kind of.
The motivation that I had training for Philadelphia has not translated into the training for Delaware.
I keep remembering the thoughts and feelings I had during the training for a fall marathon through the brutal heatwave. Waking up at 5AM just to get my run in before the temperature hit 100 degrees, knowing that I HAD to run with WATER, and that a run after work was totally out of the question. Complain, Complain, Complain - SWEAT, SWEATY, SWEATIEST. Yet today I would pay good money to be able to train in that mess...
I am already half way into a training program for a spring marathon, and have yet to run over 10 miles, to follow an exact program, or to even successfully run two full weeks in a row. What stops me, you may ask? The Winter Wonderland I find myself living in.
I have never been a fan of winter. And snow has been a recurring nightmare for as long as I can remember. YES, NIGHTMARE. I don't like to play in it, I don't like to drive in it, I don't even want to look at it. Hate is not even a strong enough word for how I feel about this winter.
Here and there, I get up, get dressed-over dressed-and I get out. Some runs are really good, some are really bad. It takes so much more effort to run in the cold, and lately, I just haven't had it.
I am sitting here, during yet another snow day, and the answer hit me. I signed up for the first marathon with gusto, with spunk, and with a purpose. I was running in honor of my Marilyn and raising money for a cause I feel so close to and so strongly about. I had so many supporters and angels to carry me through those horrid summer days. It's much easier to run on the wings of an angel than in the mind of a quitter.
I still have support from those who love me and are close to me, but this time is different. There is no charity, it's not my first time, and mostly - I'm not talking about it. I signed up for this marathon because I thought it would chase away the post race blues. I didn't plan on documenting my experience like I did before. I didn't need to fundraise, so I haven't had to flood Facebook with endless pleas for support, and surprisingly, I don't find the urge to bring every conversation back to running/training/marathon/miles/shoes/feet/exhausted/empowered/running like I did the first time around. Instead, I find myself dreading the topic, which makes me sad, and worse, FULL OF DOUBT.
I love running. I love training. I want that feel good back. And if that means I need to continue with my blog, then so be it. I will take it easy for you Facebookers that had just about had it by November, so if you want to follow along - sign up for post updates. That way we can all spare the world my tales of soaring and sorrow.
Marilyn held my hand through everything while she was on this Earth. She taught me to not be a quitter, to be strong, courageous and to believe in myself. I won't let a few million snowflakes make me lose sight of that. She was proud of me - and now I'm going to be proud of myself.
"Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”
― Dr. Seuss
― Dr. Seuss
