It's here.
Marathon #2.
This time has been a very
difficult journey. A lot of it riddled with questioning my reasoning - or
lack thereof - to run a spring marathon right after a fall marathon. I
see several posts per day on social media from folks that will run multiple
marathons a year - even monthly - but I am not that person.
While I enjoy
running, and the fact that I am able to endure training for a marathon, my
love really comes afterwards. I love the accomplished feeling I get when
I finish a long run, or beat my own time, or just get out and run even though I
didn't want to. I would like to believe I am in the majority of the
running community - that I am cursing the mere existence of running while I am
in the act of it and start singing it's praises when I am finished.
….Then again - that may
put me more in the minority....
Finishing the Philadelphia Marathon was incredible. The fact that I trained hard, stayed committed, fought for a charity and crossed that finish line was such an unbelievable accomplishment. I never wanted that feeling to end. I wanted to soar on that run as long as I possibly could.
My first run after the
marathon was about 5 miles long, with my best friend, on Thanksgiving, and was
filled with gratitude. I am truly blessed that I have had the world's
greatest cheerleaders by my side through all of my ups and downs in
life. And the ones who didn't laugh when I told them I thought I was
suffering from "post-race blues" or balk at me for signing up for the
Delaware Marathon-just a smidget over a month after finishing Philadelphia.
I mean, really, I HAD to
run Delaware, right? I am a proud, born
& raised Delawarean. How could I not
be a part of the Delaware Marathon Running Festival? I was now a MARATHON RUNNER – you know!?! To run 26.2 miles on my own turf just seemed
like a dream. And after convincing my
husband that the full was the right one for me, he hesitantly registered me as
a surprise Christmas gift.
With all my glory – I began
training. I thought the winter was the
wall that stood tall between me and my training – However, I was my greatest stumbling
block. Between the snow, cold weather,
lack of motivation, shrinking self-confidence and the stresses of everyday life,
I really didn’t think I would make it. I
had no good excuse to not train. My body
was strong and healthy – unlike training for Philadlephia, where I constantly
was being sidelined with injury. Don’t
get me wrong – I trained. I ran my heart
out, and beat my pace on most – if not every run – this time. And I always feel such gratitude and joy when
the run is over. I am prepared for this
marathon – just fearful.
Over the last 18 weeks, I
had seemed to forget why I started all of this in the first place. My temporary memory loss is in direct
correlation to my overwhelming fear of running this weekend.
So here I sit.
I am not sure where the
nervous energy or anxiety is coming from.
I would expect to feel some fear, but this is just torture. People say you fear the unknown. Well, from my experience, I didn’t fear the unknown. I felt confident going into the first
marathon. I knew that I had my angels
sitting on my shoulder to help me get through in one piece. Now that I know what it feels like to
actually run a FULL marathon? Now, I am
afraid. It’s like having a baby. You forget the pain until you are ready to
push again.
T-Minus 3.5 days before
run time….
I can only listen to soft
rock or apparently my anxiety spikes, I
don’t have the mental capacity to make any rational decisions, I may be a
little short tempered, and I may seem a little MORE flighty than usual.
All I can do now is try to calmly focus on the whys.
Why did I start
running? To quit smoking.
Why did I keep
running? I kind of love it.
Why did I run an entire
marathon even though I had never run more than 6 miles before registering for
it? To honor my dear Marilyn and to
remember that she is always there-surrounding me with a bond that goes beyond
this world.
Why did I register for
yet another marathon? Because I’m a
badass – that’s why.
